Week 2

Sunday May 1, 1880
Season of Love London seems to be experiencing a veritable Season of Love. Several engagements have already been reported this season, and many couples have begun officially courting or are well on their way to doing so. Lilian Thompson has been seen with Kallos Kagathos and Victor Moore with both Dr. Chandra Aurelian and Ms. Jemisha Burke. To everyone’s surprise, even the Commissioner’s daughter, Katelyn Doyle, already has an official suitor in London newcomer Captain James Voyage. Nearby towns have been less lucky, with Oxford, Cambridge, and Brighton experiencing an unusual rash of divorces and unhappy couples. Perhaps they should have come to London this Season instead. Further News from the Crystal Palace Preparations for the Crystal Palace Exhibition continues apace with more exhibits arriving by the day, most notable of these is a scale model of the recently completed Emperor Norton bridge, spanning the San Francisco Bay. The model of what is being called the Eighth Wonder of the world has the following commendation, “A gift to show the appreciation the Emperor, the President and the People of California have for Empress Victoria”. However, all is not well with a second incident at the Crystal Palace with one of the Exhibitions curators being found stabbed within the Crystal Palace, while the curator was only mildly injured and a full recovery is expected, no perpetrators have been caught and the police are asking for anyone close to the Crystal Palace on the night of the 26th to pass on anything suspicious. Several other items have been stolen as well, the increased security doing little to deter these enthusiastic thieves. Fortunately, one of the items- a model Iguanadon- has already been recovered from the lawn of the Hyperion Club. The Metropolitan Police have given assurances that these burglaries will not continue. Livestock Loose in London? Several eyewitnesses this week swore they saw a bull wandering around Whitechapel on Saturday evening. One claims it must have been a person in a bull costume, as they were convinced it walked on two legs. Police are still investigating the claims and witness statements. If you are missing any livestock or have seen a person causing havoc in a bull costume, please report to Scotland Yard for a statement. Attacks at Dig Site The new underground line is facing considerable setbacks this week. Sir Stephenson’s technology is functioning beautifully, but several workers have been attacked. Investigation is still ongoing as to who or what exactly is behind these attacks. Additional safety measures have been added so that the construction can continue. Missing Ship One of the new ships in Her Majesty’s Navy has been reported missing this week, being more than two weeks overdue. The route was not known to be dangerous, nor was the weather worse than usual. Additional ships will be sent along the route to search for any survivors. Scandal in Whitehall While the original source is less than credible, recent investigations have noted irregularities in the state pension fund. While the source of these irregularities is not yet known the source accuses the recently widowed Sir Charles Moore as the source of these irregularities, Sir Moore’s office has refused to comment. Crime Epidemic Overtaking London Jewelry and other items continue to be stolen from high society events, with the Lotus Club in particular being targeted this week. This marks the second week in a row that the Crystal Palace has been broken into and valuable items stolen. Murders and scandals abound. What has become of London? Many complain that the Metropolitan Police are growing soft and a crackdown on crime is needed. Commissioner Harry Doyle of Scotland Yard was unavailable for comment, but Captain Eloise Blythe agreed that a harsher stance is necessary. “How else will this rash of crimes stop and London become safe once again?” Sleepers Awakened The plague of catatonia seems to have ended, with no new cases for several days and all previous victims have awoken or passed on. Doctor Bell of the London Hospital claims the cases were caused by a form of infectious hysteria, common among those of delicate constitutions and advocates the pioneering use of electrical stimulation in the treatment of these nervous conditions. Castelli Redeemed Fans of the opera will be pleased to note that its star this season, Faina Castelli, has made significant improvements in her performance. Could it be her new patrons? Or is she merely a late bloomer? Regardless, tickets are sold out nearly every night. Be sure to attend whilst there are still tickets available! Pea Soup Smog While the weather so far this spring has been rather mild, the fog has recently grown particularly bad. It is as thick as pea soup, some report, and it is not an exaggeration. It was so bad on Sunday, that the University football match had to be cancelled, much to the dismay of all its fans. Hopefully this new team can get off the ground without further hiccups. Compensating Consulting Detectives  Concerns have been raised by prominent and outspoken citizens about Scotland Yard’s use of consulting detectives, and that these consultants do not receive public plaudits or financial reward. A representative of the Metropolitan Police says “We are always happy to have assistance from the public with our enquiries but do not feel it appropriate or safe to publicly identify such individuals.” Hansom Cab Crash A disaster at the races this weekend. Ms. Dione Leaby’s cab, sponsored by Lady Florin Weaver, careened into another, causing both to overturn and be destroyed. Thankfully, no casualties were reported, nor any other major injuries. Witnesses reports are called into question as several swear the driver lifted the cab off of the injured parties. Others seem to be unable to recall what happened after the crash.

PERSONAL, &c.
ANONYMOUS-- Nora Mather’s *Life in a Humble Essay* is a brilliant and scathing proposal focusing on the dangers of classism and politics in both England and Ireland. Worth a read if you have not yet done so. ANONYMOUS-- Nora Mather’s *Life in a Humble Essay* is a disgusting and reprehensible piece of writing that deserves nothing more than to be tossed in the rubbish or used to mop the floor of the water closet! MR. H WRITER-- Wants your stories for his upcoming anthology on “The Further Adventures of Odysseus.” Please send your stories to ((gw.waterloocontrol@gmail.com)) AMOROUS AMBROSIA-- Clearwater’s new love potion and finally one that actually works! Best buy yours quickly as these are flying off the shelves. VULNARY TONIC ENDORSEMENT--I, Dr. Robert Mathew Hayward, do endorse the Clearwater Vulnary tonic. I have tested it thoroughly on myself and on patients and can confirm that it does help to still any bleeding and the wounds heal faster by 1-1.5 days. SPEED SURGERY DISPLAY - This Tuesday! Witness Dr. Robert Mathew Hayward as he's trying to break Robert Liston's speed surgery record while amputating a patient's leg! Only 2p entrance fee! ANONYMOUS - High society sources are casting doubt on the veracity of "Doctor" Robert Matthew Hayward's qualifications. One must wonder what else this supposed doctor may be hiding. ANONYMOUS - Old man, good swimmer, keen sailor. Would like to meet adoring fans on the banks of the Thames. Wanting to remember the good old days. Those interested should come to the water's edge at midnight for mystery and romance. WILHELMINA MINK-- Believes this paper to be “pedestrian,” “average,” and “commonplace.” Being banned from most major news outlets has led her to create her own publication. If you’d like to read such dubious claims as a writer such as her would craft, by all means contact her.